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Wednesday, May 16, 2012
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Share Your AFTER Abortion Recovery Thoughts...
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Welcome to our message board for those who have EXPERIENCED an ABORTION RECOVERY PROGRAM!
If you, or someone you know has benefited from the abortion recovery process, we'd love to know the positive impact on your/their life and relationships. This will help others to see how participating in an abortion recovery program can make their lives better, and the lives around them!
If the space below isn't long enough for your comments, we'd love to hear from you. Send us your story and we may post it on our Stories of Recovery page.
NOTE: City and website fields are optional. Email is requested only to protect the integrity of those entering information. Your private information will not be disclosed.
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Share Your After Abortion Recovery Thoughts...
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| Name: elizabeth dell | Date: 5/8/2012 | in one way it will never truly end for me in this life because now i face another birthday which falls on Mother's Day and if i had children you can be sure that my Mother would find a way to see me on my birthday and Mother's Day but her i encounter even more of the same old rejection from my mother and I am certain that if I had children she would put me and my life up much much higher on her list. It is one terrible decision to go to a Doctor and agree to allow him to "kill" your only child. At that time I didn't know that it would be my only baby. I had wanted to adopt but never had enough money.
i can pray that God may open the doors for me to do baby and Mother photos as a photographer that may help with my own loss...babies are so miraculous.
However, for me it is a daunting task to face some days when I know that i do not truly fit in a world where women at least have children even if they don't have a husband.
I don't want to give up. I still want to succeed and hopefully it will become easier...before i get to Heaven to be reunited.
love always,Elizabeth |
| State: Ontario | | Country: Canada |
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| Name: sadie hill | Date: 4/4/2012 | | i aborted my baby and i hate myself for it im a killer i killed my child, one of Gods children.... why should a child go through that? i did that when i was 14 years old. i remember when he came out the was in pain i heard him scream and i saw the look of pain on his face. i ask myself everyday why in the hell did i kill a innocent child.. so please if you read this and your only thinking about abortion please dont do it. its just a baby give it a chance to live! if you cant take care of it give it up for adoption. just dont kill it bacause you will feel horrible for the rest of your life. and you will regret it i promise you |
| State: ohio | | Country: American Samoa |
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| Name: Rebecca | Date: 3/21/2012 | | I was only 14 weeks pregnant. Didn't have any clue about it until i went to my ankle apoinyment. Wasn't with the baby daddy anymore and he moved on 3 weeks after we broke-up. I was scared when i had found out. Thank god my mom helped me and my sis was there for me and we kept it a secret even till now. Noone in my family know niether the baby daddy. I'm still emotional after a month and a week and hide my emotions in but when im alone i let them out. Hurts to know i didnt let my nephews have another cousin but i had to relize i wasn't ready to have a kid yet. I wasn't done with school. I had to be the first to follow my career and college. I didn't want to do it on my own and I knew that he was gonna deny the baby situation cause he thinks he's all that. I couldn't fall behind. But mainly have my parents/family raise it with the career i wanna do. I couldn't let the baby get inbetween my and the army. Im not saying it in a mean way but its my responsibilty and i couldn't let my family do my job without me in it. I wish i can get over the emotional situation but it's hard that i pass by him at school and he isn't there to help me threw it. Even harder that my mom and sis don't want me to talk about it. I need a person/friend who can understand me threw everything who has been threw it and is or has recovered. |
| State: texas | | Country: United States |
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| Name: anonymous | Date: 2/22/2012 | | I just had an abortion not even one week ago. I took the RU486 in hopes I would not have to have nightmares of hearing that machine and less invasive procedure. My boyfriend and I were not ready for a child right now. He has 3 and is a wonderful father to them, but he's going through a very tough time with their mothers and our financial situation is not good at all. This was very very very hard for me. I always wanted to be a mom. I always thought when God blessed me with a child I would feel so happy. When I found out I was pregnant I was completely shocked. I wanted to feel happy. I was so scared. I made a mistake. At the clinic, I was in a room full of women, waiting for the same thing. For 4 hours. In a room of about 15 women, I'd say only 3 of us were feeling emotional. There were some painting their nails, using Facebook, Putting on makeup, speaking of how it was their 4th abortion. It made me feel so sick. This was never something I thought I would ever do. I was so scared. I went into the room after they had weighed me and took my b/p and blood, sat on the table naked from the waist down. They did an ultrasound, immediately told me my options to end the pregnancy. I broke down. I couldn't believe it was "that easy". I asked for the pill. 2 minutes later a lady comes in with one pill and says "this is the one to end your pregnancy" I was at a loss for words. "What....?" I said with tears in my eyes. ""This is the one to end the pregnancy" I looked at it for a second and I swallowed it with a cup of water. An unbelievable feeling came over me. I immediately wished I could take it back. They gave me the rest of the pills and instructed me what to do and what would happen if I didn't. I came home and cried all night. My boyfriend was here to try to comfort me, we both were scared. The next day I took the other 4. Immediately I was cramping, not so bad. About 2 hours later I felt the most horrible pain I've ever felt. Laying on my bed with my boyfriend at my side, trying to hold in my tears, I couldn't. I broke down, the pain was so intense accompanied by mentally trying to comprehend what was happening. for 6 hours I was miserable. We were both very emotional. We realized it was wrong. I am still trying to process what happened. It's not an easy thing. This was not for me. I hope God will help me recover from this. It is something I am NEVER doing again, regardless of the circumstance. I've learned, I feel the pain. I am hoping for forgiveness. I will never forget what I've done, but I hope with time I'll be able to let go of some of these feelings. I'm so sorry I did this. I will never take a gift from God for granted again. Everyone has a choice, so please, if you do choose this, make sure it is 110% right for you, as it is not as "easy" as it sounds. It's horrible, at least for me. |
| State: ca | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Jenna | Date: 2/6/2012 | | i was 21 and got preg. i was in a very hard time with my ex fiance, when i got preg. i saw my whole life falling apart, i knew having a baby would not help our relationship. he was very against having the baby, he knew we wouldnt be able to take care of him or her properly. i grew up always trying to not mess up because my birth mom and her birth mom messed their lives up, i was determined to not do the same. i had my abortion and after felt sad. i still feel sad and sometimes wonder what my life would be like now with a three month old. i wasnt ready to be a mom and i know that that is OK, i want my someday baby to have everything they need, i just tell my self i was not ready and now i can work on myself. it hurts and probably always will but i know i made the right decision. i have now graduated from college and moved to a new state, doing so much with my life i would have not been able to till i was way older because of the strains of motherhood. i wanted to live my life with no regrets. and with having a baby i knew i would be angry i had to put my life on hold. now i dont feel that way and someday when im ready i will have a family and be a happy person who fufilled their dreams. |
| State: tx | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Sarah Martin | Date: 2/2/2012 | This is a message series called " Have the Funeral"... don't loose me, hang tight fora second! You can't pretend the pain doesn't exist. When someone offends you or wrongs you, (Or you have wronged and feel guilty) deal with it God's way and deal with it fast. Allowing unforgiveness (even with yourself) to reside in your heart can crush you, shatter relationships, and hinder your walk with God. There's no time for that!!! When you follow Jesus Christ, forgiveness is not optional--it is ESSENTIAL. We have to view forgiveness God's way . . . UNLIMITED and often completely undeserved. It is an act of the will as memorable as a funeral; grieve the loss, but then leave it behind you. If you think your hurt is too big to heal, Remember Jesus words, Forgive and you will be Forgiven. Apply the steps to have the funeral to your hurting heart! Let the pain and hurt go... find your Life in HIM!!
Part 1
http://www.jamesmacdonald.com/teaching/audio/the-wake-viewing-unforgiveness-as-god-does-4/#divAudioPlaylist-tab
Part 2
http://www.jamesmacdonald.com/teaching/audio/the-burial-making-forgiveness-final-4/#divAudioPlaylist-tab |
| State: PA | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Genia Stephenson | Date: 2/1/2012 | | Women, if you're considering having an abortion, just DON'T. It's NOT a solution to your situation but presents a lifetime of serious problems. Thankfully, I've never been in the situation where I've, even, had to consider having an abortion but, as can see from all of these similar comments, it's a gut-wrenching, LIFE-ALTERING decision. At age 31, divorced with 2 very young daughters, I started my teaching career. The woman who was my assistant ( about my age ) told me that she had had multiple abortions. Sometimes, she had this blank stare on her face & seemed detached. After she told me, it clarified to me why she looked this way. I wondered if her being around the students at our school, made her speculate what the children she'd aborted would have been like. At the time, I couldn't comprehend how, for any reason, someone could 'kill' their unborn child. I believe life begins at the instant of conception. From what they've said, it's obvious that many of these women knew right from wrong but, for various reasons, were conflicted. Those who have not, yet, sought pre or post abortion counseling need to do so. Those who've had an abortion will never feel whole until they get resolution. Otherwise, it will be a 'wound' that will never heal. Recently, there has been an advertisement on TV with the, now, older woman who was the impetus behind the Supreme Court decision Roe vs. Wade, which legalized abortion 'on demand' in the United States. She was young & confused at the time. It seems she was 'railroaded' into that legal battle. The 'funny' part is, she said she has had 3 daughters & NEVER had any abortions. She 'found God' & He repaired her heart & life. Praise be to God. He is the best counselor & healer for everything. |
| State: Arizona | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Vinnie Maier | Date: 2/1/2012 | It's been 11 years since I made the choice to abort my child.I never got over it and I don't think I ever will.Before I had an abortion and experienced the after math for myself I was pro-choice.I chose life now,I would never encourage anyone to have one regardless of how the baby was put in their life.There are other alternatives.I believe God has a plan no matter how horrible the situation.I have learned a great deal from this experience.My eye's were opened to what abortion really is.My heart aches so much for my child.
I am married now and I have 3 beautiful children,my life is good.Being pregnant my daughter was hard,I was very emotional the entire time.When I held my daughter in my arms for the first time I just cried,I cried for so many reasons,mainly because I was so happy and relived that she came into this world safe and because I realized again what I had done 5 years before her birth.
I feel like I am supposed to suffer for the rest of my life to some degree,being sorry isn't enough because the reality is that I killed my baby.
I swam a pond the devils lake
but never,never,never,
I'll never make the same mistake...never,never,never..
The wind by Cat Stevens |
| State: california | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Becky Resina | Date: 2/1/2012 | | Surrendering the Secret was the 8 week group I was a part of and it changed my life for the better. I spent 18 years with post traumatic stress disorder, beating myself up over it and self loathing finally I am at peace by the grace of God and the wonderful women in my group. It gave me the much needed closure from such a traumatic experience in my life. If you have been in my shoes and have not gotten help I strongly suggest you do it is amazing how much pain you bottle from it....set it free and live and love yourself again. |
| State: FL | | Country: United States |
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| Name: lashay | Date: 1/27/2012 | | i was 14 when i firsy had abortion and it hurted luike heck and i reget it but i had to do it to stay in school and i love my little one and now i have a pretty little girl. |
| State: fl | | Country: United States |
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| Name: vidhu | Date: 12/28/2011 | Soft gentle smiles
Sparkling fresh eyes
Tiny moving hands
Skin soft as silk
All of my joy
Wrapped in a tiny packet
I hope you know
You're a beautiful baby
You give me love
You make me weak
You call out for me
And my heart skips a beat
Longing to hold you
Through all of my days
Come back to me
Come fill my arms again
I'm sorry for the wrong
I'm sorry for the pain
Hoping it helps you
When I say I love you |
| State: delhi | | Country: India |
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| Name: None | Date: 10/12/2011 | Every single day since I have gotten my abortion, I think about the doctor finally coming in my room. I thought i would've felt so relieved since I'd been waiting for 8 hours. WRONG. It was the worst moment of my whole entire life. I had seconds to make the biggest decision I've ever faced. After, I was filled with regret and countless emotions, up and down.
It has only been two weeks but I cry everyday when my mom leaves for work after I get home from school. I cry long, and I cry hard. I cry cause I want my baby back so bad. People who haven't gone through this don't understand. Yes, I was only 2 months pregnant. But I was the only thing that almost baby had. I fed it, i grew it.It was mine, only mine. I'm so depressed now, everything piles up on top of this stress and I break down, everynight. I just want to be happy. I just wish I knew that I'd feel this way before I got my abortion. I wish i wouldve never done it.
- Signed,
15year old
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| State: California | | Country: United States |
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| Name: ali | Date: 8/31/2011 | | I'm 20yrs old. i turn 21 on september 22 i'm raising my 1 1/2yrold daughter practically on my own. in march of this year i found out i was pregnant again with my ex fiances child. between him and my father i felt so corned and alone. my dad told me he kick me and both children out on the streets my ex brought the daughter we already had into it and how i "struggle" with her. i made the appointment at the clinic to just shut everyone up. i got there i went into the room to get weighed and whatnot and walked straight out i couldn't do it i couldn't stop a beating heart. my ex walked out right behind me and fought with me bringing our daughter into it and how this isnt fair to her and i broke. i got a really bad infection after and ended up in the hospital so it didn't end after the procedure. i've felt so ashamed and broken and lost.i'm trying to go to school full time so i can finish college in timely manner and raise my daughter effectively plus work full time. i'm finding the more i try to push through the more i fall apart it has taken over my life. i find myself eating sleeping pills like they're candy and subcontiously just hoping i get pregnant again. yet at the same time being so wreckless with my own life which eats me alive because my daughters my whole entire world id do anything for her she's my one true weakness but when she's with her father 1 1/2days a week im getting black out drunk and just losing it. this has ruined my life because it goes against all beliefs and i dont know how to get better no one around me understands. the people that know are sitting there going you made the right decision you should be fine. but i'm not and i cant control it. it just doesn't go away it eats and eats and eats at me. i slowly losing my mind because of it. |
| State: Massachusetts | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Katie | Date: 2/27/2011 | I had an abortion 3 months ago...It was by far the biggest regret I have ever had. I'm 19 years old, I am going to school full time and working full time as well...I learned I was pregnant a few weeks before Christmas. I told my parents and they said the only option was an abortion. If I didn't agree to it they would completely dis-own me and have me arrested If I stepped foot on their property. They were disgusted and dissapointed with me. My father threw 600 dollars at me and told me to go to the Abortion Clinic. I had no ones support. I had never felt so alone. I already cared for my child, I felt I had some sort of bond with she/he...I was already picking out names, looking at baby shoes, talking to my belly, and thinking about our future..But those dreams shattered quickly. Reality hit, and I knew what I had to do. I had the procedure done, and the recovery was horrible!! I couldn't move for weeks. I had never been in so much pain in all my life.
There is not a day that goes by I don't think about my child...I'm embarassed and ashamed...And so alone. |
| State: Michigan | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Shelley | Date: 2/25/2011 | Hello, I am writing on behalf of my partner who was raped at the age of 15 and forced, by her surgeon father, to have an illegal termination. By forced I mean she was injected with a powerful sedative so she was physically incapable of resisting being dragged to the hospital to have the procedure. I say 'illegal termination' rather than 'abortion' because the foetus was 7 MONTHS OLD. 1st degree murder would be more accurate. My partner was butchered in the process, and she is now unable to have more children.
She is now 40 years old and has never discussed this in depth with anyone, besides me. After the initial shock of having her nearly full-term foetus ripped from her body and being in an almost complete state of catatonia for a period of 12 months afterwards, she has managed to remain emotionally unattached to the traumatic memories surrounding the 'procedure' for most of her life. However, she has recently had EMDR therapy and some cognitive behavioral therapy for some other traumas she has experienced, which has had the unwanted effect of re-connecting her emotionally with the traumatic memories associated with her illegal termination and none of her treating professionals can tell her how to detach herself again.
If anyone has any suggestions about what she can do we would be extremely grateful. I know talking it through with a psychologist or a support group would seem to be the most obvious course of action, but she is understandably loathe to discuss it with anyone because discussing it means reliving it and it was hell on earth to have to experience it in the first place. All she wants to do is bury it again and detach herself emotionally, and would like to know if there is any kind of therapeutic technique that would enable her to do that. |
| State: South Australia | | Country: Australia |
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| Name: Ellen Thomas | Date: 1/31/2011 | | I had two, recenlty divorced with one small child. I knew it was wrong but I was so scared, parents! the 1st one I felt relief. The 2nd one, afterwards in recovery everyone was just lying there. Me, I went into a major fit and crying, what have I done, what have I done? they sedated me. Years of toment followed. Finally I didn't think about it everyday. I do however think about it every year around the same time I found out, it was during summer. I too wondered, boy or the girl I always wanted? The father was in politics and single like me, but worried it would effect his chances for election. I wanted to marry him or have him move in and it would have been ok. Too fast of a decision. He then lost his Dad and said, God took my Dad because I let you kill our baby. Later in years as I grew in being a Christian, I read something that changed my life. I follow a few famous pastors who were blessed with visions of Heaven. One said, I saw babies, lots and lots of babies. I asked God, why are they so many babies here? God said those are the babies that were aborted by their mothers. So, when you get to Heaven and I pray you will, you will be reunited with your babies and they will hold nothing against you! How awesome is our God, Lord Jesus Christ! Our rock, our savior, our healer! Praise be to God, for there is no sin that can't be forgiven, unless you do it over and over and over. If you know God and revert back to your old ways, God will only allow so much before he has to cut you off. If he didn't, he wouldn't be the good great God that he is. Read that in Kenneth Hagin Sr's book about his visions with Jesus. So behold! there is life and freedom after we've made the worst mistakes of our lives. |
| State: SC | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Shea | Date: 11/30/2010 | Its been 1 year 1 month and 12 days since my abortion, every day i think about who my little baby would be, if it would look like me or have the same little quirks i have now. I found out i was pregnant when i was camping with my family, after not having my period for 2 weeks and intense sickness all day everyday. After getting home and to a store my boyfriend and i took a pregnancy test. We were unsure of what to do, keep it or get rid of it either by abortion or adoption. we ruled out adoption for the simple reason of not being able to carry around a child for almost a year and then give it to someone else and let that be that. I didn't want to get an abortion, but my boyfriend did, abortion appealed to me because i didn't have to tell my parents and face their utter disappointment, so abortion became the choice. My cousin helped me with all the appointment booking and driving me to the doctors office and what not. The day came of my abortion and filling out the paper work i wanted to put a stop to everything but i was brought to the back room where i was to get an ultrasound, on my papers i checked off that i didn't want to see my baby on the ultrasound, but at the last minute i changed my mind and thought that i would regret it for the rest of my life if i didn't see it. It was 8 weeks and 6 days old, my beautiful baby with the cute little button nose. After getting the ultrasound i was moved into another room where the actual procedure would take place, i laid there thinking about what my life would be like if i wouldnt have chosen this path, but it was too late and the nurse came in to give me my needle and then the overly whelming music that was so depressing i felt like giving myself a shot of air into my arm, but too late the doctor came in and everything was gone.
That day repeats over and over again each and everyday. |
| State: Alberta | | Country: Canada |
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| Name: rosie | Date: 11/21/2010 | | It has been 4 years since my first abortion and 2 years from my 2nd. I was strong after the first but after the 2nd a part of me died. This tremendous feeling of guilt came over and has not left. I had to take time off of work just because I could not function. All I kept thinking about was how I killed my baby. Not a day goes by where I dont think about it. Every single week I cry. I want to say sorry to my babies for hurting you and being selfish. I dont think I ever will forgive myself. I also want to say sorry to God for stopping his plan and to please forgive me. Will this pain ever go away? |
| State: MN | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Leslie Dean | Date: 11/4/2009 | Having been a product of the free-love 60’s, I saw nothing wrong with ending a pregnancy in my first marriage. It was the middle of my last semester of nursing school, and with the encouragement of my parents and husband-- I ignored an internal scream --and chose to end it. I became an RN and one evening, as a new graduate, was asked to assist a doctor with three, second-trimester abortions.
I spent most of my time with one of the women, in her sixth month, who shared that she had found out her husband was having an affair and wanted him to pay. She was going to lie to him and say the news of the affair had caused a miscarriage.
This “pay-back” baby was a perfectly formed little boy. At birth, he was roughly checked by the physician to see if his eyes were fixed and then dropped in a bucket and, for what seemed like an eternity, I listened and then saw, that he was moving, and then, finally, silence. It was at this time, that I left the room and went home sick. I slept little that night and in the next few months, my marriage ended.
For several years I found myself experiencing a syndrome of symptoms that has come to be known as post-abortion stress. Destructive relationships, horrific nightmares and an inability to be around babies without an overwhelming sense of guilt. I married again and had another inconvenient pregnancy that ended in abortion. Later, having children caused me to become increasingly depressed and I was diagnosed with “post-traumatic stress syndrome” due to my abortions. I found forgiveness and grace in a relationship with Jesus Christ and through much counseling, I was healed.
If you could see my heart today, you would see the mended cracks of its brokenness. Not because the healing is incomplete, but because Jesus allows us to remember what He did for us, so we can help others put their pieces back together. I did that by starting a pregnancy care center that offered post- abortion counseling and watched as hundreds found healing as I had.
But my final blessing came when Jesus showed me, through a dream, that my babies prayed for my salvation because without it, they would never meet me. They are in Heaven waiting for me and someday I will hold them. He led me to write a book about my journey through the devastation of abortion and what led me to make those choices. It is called Forgiven Much and God is using it to help women break out of their denial and bring the darkness and secrecy of abortion into His healing light.
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| State: MD | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Kristen Kellett | Date: 11/3/2009 | I am 48 years old. I had two abortions in high school. I was a “good Christian girl”- - coming up pregnant would have made God (& me) look bad, so I justified killing my children. I stuffed my feelings and continued through life- college, marriage, kids…
Fast-forward 30 years. I began volunteering at the Crisis Pregnancy Center in town, in the hope of counseling women to choose life for their unborn children. I was required to take a 7-week post-abortion recovery Bible study class. I didn’t think I needed it- after all, I’m a well-adjusted adult…
God moved His healing hand in my heart in places I didn’t even know were damaged by my abortions! He especially worked in the area of my poor self-esteem. Now, I realize that I have great worth to God, and He can use me to make a difference in the world!
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| State: WA | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Catherine (Cathy) Kerr | Date: 11/3/2009 | I was coerced into having an abortion at age 19 by the young man I thought loved me and wanted to marry me. I remember feeling so alone, worthless and unloved that I simply shut down as a human being and did whatever others suggested I should do. This included friends and even my own family doctor. There was very little publicized support or alternatives at that time, and I felt greatly pressured and hopeless. I stopped caring.
The doctor involved told me it was only a "cluster of cells," and made me feel very stupid. They lie to women about the procedure, the pain and the aftermath. It has been many years since the abortion, during which I have been to many retreats and have received God's mercy, forgiveness and love. I will never forget, but I have learned to forgive myself.
I now know that no woman deserves the atrocity of abortion. There are many alternatives and plenty of people who care and want to help you make the right decision, if you will only reach out and not believe what society tells you about abortion. As a result, I have been called to speak out so that others will not have to suffer what I have been through: physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am the Regional Coordinator for Silent No More Awareness in San Antonio, TX. You can find me on their website on the internet and on Facebook. I am here for you with a listening heart.
May you experience God's peace! |
| State: TX | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Debbie | Date: 11/2/2009 | In March of 2006, my life turned down a path that I had avoided for many years. After a series of many, many bad choices in my life I fell into a state of complete brokenness that words just can not explain. That one "choice" that I thought was forgotten and hidden away down deep in the inner most part of my soul was being revealed to me in a way that I didn’t understand.
In 1992 I had an abortion. After that day, my life changed. I began a path of self-destructive behaviors that led me from one bad choice to another. I got caught up into the darkness of drinking, drugs and subsequently the first of two divorces and one unsuccessful suicide attempt.
After years of shame, sadness and guilt, I was so grateful to finally meet someone who knew how I really felt inside and I will never forget the words "You are not alone - there is help and hope."
The bible says:
“Come now, let us argue this out,” says the Lord, “No matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can remove it. I can make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you as white as wool…let me help you.” Isaiah 1:18-19
As I began the journey toward wholeness in March 2006, I experienced first hand what the power of God’s healing can do to set us free – free of the anger, guilt and unforgiveness - to a new life of hope, healing, grace and renewal.
Was it easy? No, it was difficult to come face to face with the very sin that brought me so much anguish and pain for so many years. But, I am an example of what God’s grace and mercy can do in one person’s life. It has given me courage to step out of the darkness and into the light, with the desire to help others do the same. What satan meant to destroy me, God has turned around and is using for His glory. I am now the Founder and one of the facilitator's for Project 5:17, An After Abortion Recovery Center.
Debbie Henagan
Sulphur, Louisiana
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| State: Louisiana | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Angela Cabello | Date: 11/2/2009 | I took the RU 486 pill because I felt that I couldn't be a good role model for my students if I was an unwed teacher. When I went to the doctor's office, I just had to explain that I had sexual intercourse. Nothing else was shared about possible side effects. While I was taking the pills each day, I had to convince myself that the pills were vitamins actually helping my body. I took the last two pills in my elementary school and felt like such a hypocrite.
Soon after this I fell into a deep depression for four months. I had my suicidal plan ready to go and considered following through with the plan nightly. My fiance (now husband) talked to me every night over the phone and always tried to talk me out of it. After four months, I finally considered the words that I had heard at church (I started attending church again one month into my depression). I told the Lord that night that I either wanted my life to end that night or that He would have to pull me out of the pit. Daily I felt the weight getting lighter because He was carrying me out of the pit. Four months later, I invited the Lord into my life. Five months after that I received healing through a post-abortion Bible study. |
| State: TX | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Jennifer Kapur | Date: 11/2/2009 | I never thought I could have joy in my life again. I lived so many days and nights with regret, shame, guilt, depression, sorrow, anxiety, obesity, and addiction, what could possibly bring me healing? I had three abortions, one while I was a believer in Jesus Christ. Every time I walked into church I felt all eyes upon me, staring at the big "A" on my chest. The guilt and shame was unbearable.
Who would understand my decisions? Who would have compassion on me? Who would want to even talk to me about it? How do I go to God with this? A year later a dear friend who volunteered at a Pregnancy Resource Center called me on the phone to chat about an opportunity to volunteer. Knowing that I was a Counselor by profession she thought this would be right up my ally. She proceeded to tell me that they needed someone to head up the Post Abortion Recovery Program and she thought of me.
Needless to say, the tears and overwhelming since of God's presence consumed me. I began to share with her my struggle over the last year. She prayed with me and directed me to another center that had a Post Abortion Bible Study starting. It was God's hand upon my life, despite my sin.
During the Forgiven and Set Free Bible study, God unveiled revelation after revelation as to all the dysfunction in my life and relationships. It was a miraculous healing process that led me to an abundance of joy and peace in my life. His FORGIVENESS set me free from my sin.
My life has not been the same since. Today, I serve as the Director of Post Abortion Recovery and Client Counseling Services at Doors of Hope as well as a speaker sharing my testimony and educating others on abortion and it's effects. God is so good to me. His love has no boundaries. Romans 8:39, "...neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Peace be with you,
Jennifer Kapur |
| State: California | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Denise Mixson | Date: 11/2/2009 | I had an abortion when I was 19 years old in 1973. I regretted it immediately, but it was too late! I felt I didn't deserve to be forgiven or even have the right to mourn my lost baby. I put a mask on and suffered in silence.
I got married and by the grace of God, had 4 beautiful children. I raised them in the church, just like I had been raised, and felt like I was living such a lie. I used to listen to "Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson to help me raise my kids right. When they aired "Tilly", I sent for a copy and cried and cried for my lost baby. Dr. Dobson would mention over and over again that there was healing available for women who had had abortions, and to go to your local pregnancy center to get help. I had asked God to forgive me many times, and felt He did, because He is God, after all. But I just couldn't forgive myself. When I volunteered at the pregnancy center I told the wonderful woman there my story. I told her I wanted to help women know the truth, that abortion is not a solution to "a problem", but the beginning of a larger one, shameful sin that leads to broken relationships. She told me I had to go through a Bible study in order to lead one, so I joined a group and did "Forgiven and Set Free." It completely changed my life. I was able to talk to my husband about things we had ignored for almost 27 years. I told my children, my father, and many relatives. Then came my best friends, and all showed me such love and grace, I realized that I needed to get the word out there that it is a lie that you must keep silent about your abortion.
I have given my testimony several times, and now teach the post-abortion recovery Bible study. It is so wonderful to be free of my pain, secret shame, and fear of public knowledge of my abortion. I took the risk to accept God's forgiveness and tell every woman and man I meet that it is available for every one of us! To God be the glory! |
| State: FL | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Debbie | Date: 11/2/2009 | I had an abortion in my 30's because I could not interrupt my career or tell my parents. They were devout Catholics and I thought this was the only way out. I thought I could just go on with my life and that all was well. I did not know the guilt and shame I would have to deal with. Later that year, I asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior and I still was dealing with the shame of that decision. A friend in church who was a pregnancy center director suggested that I go through the post abortion recovery program at that center. It made me realize that God had forgiven me, and HE wanted to set me free. I found out that I had male twins whom I recognized as my children and mourned their deaths in the memorial service we had. That began my recovery and now many years later the Lord lead me to a church where I will be starting a post abortion study called Surrendering the Secret. In reading this curriculum, there is still healing going on in my heart. I realize He wants me to show other women they don't have to live in guilt and shame any more, but to be set free by dealing with their secret. He never wastes suffering, and is making my mess my ministry.
Our church recently did "cardboard testimonies" and on mine the front side read "Had an abortion, lived in guilt and shame". The flip side read "FORGIVEN and starting a post abortion ministry here at church". Later , a woman came up to me and told me she had had an abortion and wanted to be included in the group when it starts. |
| State: Texas | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Ann Younger | Date: 11/2/2009 | How Recovery Helped:
"A mother never forgets for one day the child she has lost. The emptiness is there. Going through healing and recovery from my abortion has helped me experience a freedom from the guilt, shame, anger, and other negative emotional consequences that abortion promises. Recovery has not given me my daughter back but it's given me hope. It's also given me healthy ways of dealing with the ongoing memories of my loss. I didn't just lose a daughter but I lost much more in addition to losing her. The healing journey of abortion recovery has been the vessel of restoration, redemption, freedom, and acceptance. Even though I lost much I unexpectedly gained much as a result of recovery. I experienced an encounter filled with Grace like nothing else I've ever known."
Serving Him for Life,
Ann Younger, Director
A New Song, Life Ministries
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| State: Texas | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Susan Swander | Date: 11/2/2009 | My name is Susan Swander; I’m a 59-year old who lives in Oregon. This is the story of my 3 abortions and my healing from Post-Abortion Syndrome. I have two goals in sharing the horrors of my 36 years of suffering from PAS. First, I want to tell all post-abortive parents that there is hope and healing. Second, I want to make sure that all parents considering an abortion are aware of the horror that awaits them because the abortion providers will not give them all of the relevant information; they will not speak of Post Abortion Syndrome.
At 18, in 1968 I was sexually active and got pregnant & the father, who was a one-night stand, was long gone. I didn’t want my parents to know about my promiscuity, so I went to some radical pro-choice friends who helped me get drunk and get an abortion in Mexico. Six years later, I was having an affair with a married man who insisted that I get an abortion when we got pregnant. And, then in 1991, my married friend and I were pregnant again. Again, I was given a choice – him or an abortion. I had my 3rd abortion.
After each abortion, I do remember a brief sense of relief at not being pregnant, but that relief did not last very long. My drinking and my promiscuity increased dramatically; I discovered drugs; I started a deadly relationship with food and yo-yo dieting; I had a miscarriage; and I fell in love a dozen times and couldn’t make one of the relationships work. I was married & divorced twice. This spiral into hell lasted for 36 years.
My healing began in small ways – in 1981 with the birth of my son, in 1985 with God’s gift of sobriety, and in 1997 with my return to my Catholicism. In the fall of 2003, I saw a box ad in a church bulletin for Rachel’s Vineyard retreats for post-abortion healing. I went to the Rachel’s Vineyard web site (www.rachelsvineyard.org) and wept buckets of tears as I read it. It was the first time in 36 years that I really looked at my abortions for what they were – the murder of my 3 children.
It took me awhile to get up the courage to call, but thank God I did. I attended a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat in April 2004. What a remarkable, healing experience this weekend was. Words do not do justice to the love, compassion, and understanding I found during the retreat. Perhaps most importantly, I met and named my four children – Luke, Grace, Teresa (miscarried) & Benjamin. I found forgiveness – from them and from God. I am learning to forgive myself. Each time that I share my story, I heal a little more. At my retreat, I promised my children that I would no longer hide them and that I would share our story whenever I could.
If you are reading this and are contemplating an abortion, please reconsider. It will cause you untold pain and heartache. If you have had an abortion, please know that healing is available. None of us has to live alone with the shame, guilt and pain that come after an abortion.
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| State: OR | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Tamra Johnson | Date: 11/1/2009 | After about 25 years, 5 marriages, a suicide attempt and alcoholism, I was told by a priest that he thought I should go to this Post-Abortive retreat. He felt that many of my problems might have stemmed from my abortion and the death of another child when I was 6 mths pregnant. He told me that I needed to accept God's forgiveness and begin to heal.
The Rachel's Vineyard Retreat that I attended about 4 years ago changed my life in every way. I was finally able to accept God's forgiveness and even forgive myself. I was able to name my babies and attend a memorial service to honor my children.
Since then, I have lost 60 lbs, conquered my alcoholism and found happiness in my 5th marriage. But, most of all, I have a deep relationship with our heavenly father that I never even understood. I now know that I am still one of his precious children.
I now work on the Rachel's Vineyard Retreat team here in Portland, Oregon and have become the Regional Coordinator for this area for Silent No More Awareness Campaign and am involved in many peaceful, prayerful pro-life activities. |
| State: OR | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Karen | Date: 10/14/2009 | I had an abortion 35 years ago. It is something you never forget and affects you mentally the rest of your life unless you seek help. I'm Catholic, I confessed this sin and for a long time I still believed God could never forgive me. I had broken one of his 10 commandments. A a spiritual retreat weekend 20 yrs later, I finally found a bit of relief, but still could not forgive myself.
A year ago I was compelled to volunteer at a Sav-A-Life Center. There is no doubt who sent me there. Yet, last spring after viewing videos during a training session, I had a difficult time emotionally. I spoke to the director about it and she suggested a 12 week course called Forgive and Set Free. It's for abortion recovery. She and 2 counselors were facilitators. It was a committed process, very intense, much soul seeking and spiritual with bible studying, looking up scripture and recognizing our God is a forgiving God. It was an awesome experience and I'm forever grateful God sent me there. A beautiful Memorial was held for my unborn baby, Emily, which acknowledged her as my child who now lives with Jesus. I was 4 mos pregnant when she was quickly aborted because of a chromosome disability and we never thought to give her a proper burial at that time. I always regretted it. I will forever treasure the items I have now in a little white box, including a birth certificate they gave me. No longer am I ashamed and I've finally forgiven myself. I've recently began counseling at the center. |
| State: Ms | | Country: United States |
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DISCLAIMER: Abortion Recovery InterNational, Inc. and services provided by us: ARIN CARE Directory, ARIN CARE Line, ARIN CARE Centers/Programs are referral and informational websites, not professional counseling sites. We are not all licensed therapists, although many of our affiliates may hold those credentials. We are not responsible for the actions performed by any person as a result of anything written within or related to Abortion Recovery InterNational or any division of our organization. By using our services, you agree to these terms.
Abortion Recovery InterNational, Inc. strongly encourages individuals affected by abortion to have completed an abortion recovery program PRIOR to involving themselves in the counseling of others; legal, research, speaking or activism opportunity.
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