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Wednesday, May 16, 2012
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The affect of "choice" can be difficult to deal with and can have a ripple effect through a person's life or through a family. If you'd like to share an anonymous comment on how an abortion (yours or someone you know) has affected your life, we welcome you to post.
The messages below may be written by people who have not yet gone through recovery. In reading them you may see very raw emotions. Feelings of anger, depression and unforgiveness are normal. These are common emotions prior to someone going through an abortion recovery program.
If the stories below trigger your heart, someone else you know may also be suffering the aftermath of abortion.
For those needing help, we'll assist you in finding a program . If you question whether recovery is necessary or "right for you"..... Please feel free to read our stories of recovery to see how it impacted the lives of others.
Feel free to email us directly for help: CARE DIRECTORY STAFF
NOTE: City and website fields are optional. Email is requested only to protect the integrity of those entering information. Your private information will not be disclosed.
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How Has Abortion Affected You?
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| Name: S. | Date: 4/13/2012 | My story is more of an emotional one than a physical one. Yes, abortion has touched my life.
I guess you could say that I am a survivor of abortion. No, not like in a botched proceedure or anything like that. But because of this:
I am only here today, because abortion was illegal in 1965/66.
My mother didn't want me. She wanted to abort me.
I could have been/should have been one more statistic.
That is an extrememly heavy emotional load to carry.
I was raised by both my mother and my father. I of couse didn't know about any of this til I was in my late teens/early 20's. My mother is long since gone from this earth. She stayed drunk most of my life. I wonder if she would have attempted to get help for her alcoholism had she not had me? I will never know.
Today, I am married, been married for almost 15 years. We have two children.
Just this past year, my husband reveiled to me that when he was younger (teen or early 20's, long before I knew him) the girlfriend that he had, aborted his child. Yes, he knew about it. I don't know the whole story. The only part that hits home to me about this is that my children had a brother or a sister. That breaks my heart.
So emotionally, abortion has touched my life. I cry for the countless babies that never got to draw their first breath.
I pray for each and every one of you that has posted above and will post below me. God loves you. |
| State: MS | | Country: United States |
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| Name: liz | Date: 3/29/2012 | I'm 31 years old. On Feb 7, 2012 I took a pregnancy test (that i purchased after dropping off my 5 year old at school) because I was late and the pregnancy symptoms were present. The whole time I was hoping it was negative and Id get my period the next day but it wasnt. I called my husband right after getting the results crying. We have been married for 6 1/2 years, have good jobs, own our home. We had discussed about having a 2nd child before but the timing just wasnt right. I even fought with myself about even wanting to have another child. We were finally doing well financially. I stayed at work that day and decided to wait about what to do until I got home and talked to my husband. I felt horrible because I didnt want him to hate me for what i was thinking.
When i got home that day we talked about our options. Being realistic, I dont have insurance that covers a pregnancy (hospital labor), i cant afford insurance for the baby, i cant afford daycare for the baby, i dont have the family support to help me take care of the baby...my mother works and my mother in law had already told us years ago that she would not help raise any more children. If I kept the pregnancy that would mean either getting a second job just to afford daycare and the extra expenses. We would either have to sell or lose our home and rent.
I was depressed for the next few days and even called in at work. I stayed home in bed crying. I fought with myself because I felt selfish. I did at times contemplate keeping the baby and the joy of having "our creation" would bring to us. but i knew that life would be difficult for my family.
After much contemplation, we decided to have an abortion. I was about 2-3 weeks pregnant.
I called a local clinic and made an appointment that same week. I went in and waited a few hours. I had to get an ultrasound done, and before i had it I cried. the doctor was very caring and told me that i didnt have to do this and if I wanted to stop right now that I could. I told him i knew this would be the difficult part of this. I had mentally told myself if they told me i was more than 8 weeks, i would not have the abortion. The pregnancy was so early that I had to have a vaginal ultrasound done. The doctor and nurse both said that it was the earliest pregnancy they has seen in such a long time. More about 2 1/2 weeks.
I came back the following day and was given the medical abortion pill. It was a 2 day ordeal that took most day. Emotionally it did take a toll on me for a bit but i had to continue with life.
At times I remember and feel "blue" about our decision but i have the support of my husband and we have decided to have a 2nd child in the next year or two so we are working to financially be stable to have our next baby.
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| State: Texas | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Tessa | Date: 3/27/2012 | | I had my 2nd abortion 2 weeks ago today. The first time my boyfriend and I decided on abortion bc we both just lost our jobs and had his 2 boys full time. It was hard- but not hard like it was this time. This time I wanted this baby so badly. The day I told him I was pregant he left and never came home. He kept telling me how much he didn't want to be with me. Finally I just told him "fine, I can't do this alone I'm having an abortion" my sister kept telling me to have one- that my parents would never support me on that decsion bc my boyfriend was a loser who had me taking care of his kids- to a point where I couldn't take care of my own. After I told him hours later- he came home. It was almost like that's what he wanted all along. He never went to the clinic like he did the first time. I'm 29 years old - all of my friends have beautiful babies. I lost my heart that day. I layed on the table- they put laughing gas on - I felt drugged. The intense cramping... And silently screaming no please don't take my baby. The tears came down. I hated myself. Still do. My sister kept saying how I did the right thing. I don't see how. I should of left his dumb ass and kicked him and his kids out of my house and raised my own baby. I could of done it. I see his children and I feel so much resentment. Towards him and them. Anything dad like he does I hate him. Why did he not want my baby. Why couldn't he ever be a dad to my baby? I don't think he ever wanted me to have a baby. He doesnt care. Everyday I wish I had my baby back. Everyday. |
| State: Ny | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Emily | Date: 3/26/2012 | To say that I regret my decision to abort my baby is the biggest understatement I could make. I had my abortion 6 months ago. I could've said no, but I was so weak and the presusre of the people I loved most telling me I had made a mistake and I need to get an abortion finally got to me. I was terrified and all I could focus on was making this "problem" go away. How I wish I had realized that that "problem" was my beautiful baby, that I should've been the one to defend my precious gift and not let others tell me it was a mistake. There are days that I have no clue how I'm going to go on with the rest of my life. I so deeply regret what I did that I can't even look at myself in the mirror some days. I am disgusted. I saw the ultrasound and heard the heartbeat, and I constantly replay every horrible moment of the day that I let them take my child. I would give anything to go back and undo it, to realize the gift I had. I long to hold my sweet baby so badly. I am praying for God's forgiveness, but I feel like He doesn't hear me. I am left empty and hopeless and without my baby. And it's all my fault. Please, if anyone reads this and is considering an abortion, please know that it is not a "mistake" or a "problem" you have to deal with, it is your preicous baby who will love you and call you Mommy and who you will have the great privilege of raising and knowing and loving.
I am living for the time when I get to see my baby, to hold her and kiss her as I should've done on this earth and never let go. I love you, my sweet child.
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| State: Texas | | Country: United States |
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| Name: teressa | Date: 2/24/2012 | | i recently had an aobrtion , just a few days ago...wich happend to be on my birthday (2/21) the whole process of going to the place and actually deciding i wanted to terminate the pregnancy was really hard...i basically had to wait a whole month to have it done, on top of the month and days i had to make my decision, it as very hard to accept the fact i couldnt keep it. I have a 3 year old son now and financially its hard being i am unemployed and relying on my boyfriend with his part time job to support us. Im living in a appartment upstairs from my mother and grandmother...grandmother is very ill and needs care 24/7...this puts alot of stress on my family, along with myself. I felt as though if i had kept the baby....it would have emotionally killed my mother who cannot support another person as she is supporting everyone in the house...and also helps others with money problems. I felt as though i couldnt do it beacuse of me not having a job...or insurance...and i just felt it was not the right time...i know. selfish. i keep looking back and i regret what i did. its only been a few days...but EVERYDAY something reminds me of it. im constantly thinking.."what if..." i never in a million years would have thought id actually do this. im so ashamed in myself....sometimes i get so worked up...me and my boyfriend have been fighting over small things...but i know in the back of my head i want to fight about anything beacuse im so angry..and hurt about the abortion. i just feel like i have no one to talk to...a few of my friends know..and of course my boyfriend, but i dont feel like i can honestly talk to anyone about it beacuse im ashamed...and i dnt feel comfortable talking about something like that with everyone... |
| State: ny | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Jo Lea | Date: 2/16/2012 | I became pregnant last May and had my abortion in July at 12 weeks which I regret immensely. I had been with my then boyfriend 7 years and there were many reasons for the termination, I wanted to find another job as I was being made redundant, we were in a state with a new house we'd moved into and really wanted to enjoy our wedding, honeymoon and time on our own without children - selfish I know now. But above all and the reason I almost pulled out of the abortion was that my partners brother and sister in law were just starting IVF and we couldn't bring ourselves to tell them - it would have broken their hearts but instead its broken mine. Their first round of IVF failed a month before I was due to give birth. Its so hard now because I feel like I gave my baby up for them so when they try IVF again I get so jealous - wierd feeling. They don't know about it but one day I think I'm going to have to tell them when happened. She talks about pregnancy non-stop and thinks that I am so innocent and don't know what it feels like - she doesn't know what I've been through.
My now partner has been fantastic though and knows we made a mistake - if he's known I would have reacted like this we would have kept it. We are due to get married in April and will hopefully have a baby soon after - not to replace the one I gave up but to start our family. The biggest thing I've learnt through this experience is to not think too much about others - think about what you want and do what you want. Easier said than done though. Thanks for listening. I have enjoyed (sorry wrong word - appreciated) reading your stories and I know that I'm not on my own.
Thanks again and love to all your angels xxx |
| State: West Midlands | | Country: United Kingdom |
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| Name: Karen Hebert | Date: 2/6/2012 | Emily Claire Hebert Written for my Emily's Memorial
October 1974 8/18/09
An extra X chromosome was what the amnio would show
as they tried to explain it, but they really didn’t know,
whether mild or profound your disability would be,
So it was suggested an abortion, for you and for me.
The Dr. would do a hysterectomy, along with taking you,
no more babies in the future as we struggled with what to do.
Your sister was two, had Down Syndrome with special needs,
you had two older siblings, so we consented to this cruel deed.
If someone could have counseled, stressed the heartache to come
from taking our baby’s life, this act would not have been done.
Immediately, I regretted the grievous choice we made,
but, there was no changing what happened that fatal day.
For 35 years now back in some dusty corner of my mind,
This haunting fact resurfaced once again from time to time.
It was painful to dwell upon it, so I’d quickly shut it out.
“How could we? We had no right.”, I’d want to cry and shout.
I’ve thought of all the joys we’ve forever missed
knowing you, hugging you and never being kissed.
What color was your hair? Did you have blue eyes?
Would you have been a happy child? Did the Dr. tell me lies?
I wish so very much we’d had a chance to meet,
To hold you, to love you and to see your tiny feet.
To hear your laughter, to know your sweet smile,
to always have you with us, our daughter, my child.
A mother’s suppose to nurture and protect their unborn
Not abolish or destroy, like an soul that’s been shorn.
I’ve prayed for God’s forgiveness, but could not forgive me;
the shame, the guilt and sadness, never would it leave.
I acknowledge forgiveness was always within my reach.
Jesus suffered for my sins when God sent his son to teach;
lessons about living, obeying, understanding right from wrong,
to grow in peace and love, along with keeping our faith strong.
I’ve learn whatever the Lord sends us, he gives us strength to cope,
Let not despair guide us, to believe in God’s message there’s hope.
You are my special angel, in heaven, awaiting patiently,
and I’m so eager to see you, when my soul has been set free. 8/09 |
| State: Ms | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Nicole Anne Reed | Date: 2/1/2012 | I had an abortion back in 1997 or around that time. My husband and I were taking care of our son Nick and I couldn't face having another baby. I so regret this....my child would be around 14 years old now. My son who will be 17 soon does not know he had a brother or a sister that I chose to murder. This was the worst decision I have ever made. I see my son and see how lonely he gets and feel intense shame and guilt because he had a chance to have a sibling and I obliterated that. It has been 14 years and I still cry as if it had just happened yesterday. I hate myself for this. I've tried counseling, other abortion recovery programs and nothing takes away the pain. If I could go back and change it I would, but I can't. I can't imagine my child forgiving me for ending his or her life.....and what's worse is I don't have a sad story leading up to my pregnancy...I wasn't raped, I didn't have a one night stand....I was just simply irresponsible...that is all...no one pressured me to do it, I chose this on my very own. I hate myself! Every day I hate myself for this! I am still with my husband and there was absolutely no reason for me to do this!
If you are considering an abortion, please reconsider....you will regret it the very minute that baby is taken from you. |
| State: NE | | Country: United States |
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| Name: meg patenaude | Date: 1/24/2012 | I had an abortion about forty years ago.The reasons don't matter, the horrific experience does not matter, the pain and almost dying does not matter.
What matters is that all this time has gone by?I have been counseled, supported, developed a drug habit(marijuana) and taken uncounted prescription drugs, professional advice, and unprofessional advice.I tore through lovers like a hooker on a good day.I found as many ways to destroy myself as I could face(there were some lines i would not cross).I tried every religion, hobby, career, three marriages, and went through friends like a mad bomber.The collateral damage was horrendous, including my own daughter.I keep thinking I am healed, better, balanced, whole again?
Guess what?To this day I feel as if I deserve every bad thing that happens to me.I feel I deserve every one who hates me, every horrid thing..all well deserved.I feel I am reaping what I have sown, so to speak.I feel I will never climb up out of the deepening black hole.Believe me, it is not for lack of trying or counseling.Just this year, I have actually given up hope and am just waiting for the end.having failed to take my own life or to get anyone, including God to end it for me?I give up that as well.I just wait.Every thing that helped me be happy, including Marijuana is now failing.Mt marriage which was good, is failing as well.We are both too old to divorce, so we just wound.
Sound awful?Well, it is.The one voice I need to hear,I don't.The one forgiveness I seek, is not forthcoming.The one person who could make it all better thinks I deserve the pain, physical, spiritual, and mental.Every day , that person bleeds me.That person?Me!!In my role of God.No one can help me, and I won't help myself.But
I will try to help others.if you are thinking abortion...un-think it!I don't care why.You will never ever forgive yourself.Oh sure, pro-choice sound cool, and hip and all..but is it really a choice/or is it "Peer Pressure"?I think it is.I know that was my "good reason". peer pressure.Plain and simple, I wanted to be "thoroughly modern millie"..Now...I mourn my lost baby.I just realized it this week..I mourn my baby.talking, carrying signs, all that?It all fades as you lie on the table and you hear the sound of the vacuum sucking your baby out of you, mashing it, turning it into something that looks like garbage disposal remains?THAT is real sisters...so be really pro choice, go somewher3e and be alone and ask the life growing inside you how it feels/Ask your heart not your head or your bff's.Hell, don't even ask your Mother.I did and she told me she was going to abort me but chickened out...some things are better left unasked.
So, here's me telling you not to have the abortion...I am a very analytical person, and thought this letter out carefully, then wrote it from the heart.almost ever friend I have now is pro choice, and they are all real mad at me...but Know what?I am so mad at myself, I don't care..maybe this will do some good.Here is me giving you permission to "Let go and let God(or whatever you believe in) |
| State: RI | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Nicholas Hendra | Date: 1/24/2012 | | My father and mother were both very young when my mother was pregnant with me. My father did not want to have me, my mother took in to consideration having an Abortion. After counseling with her family priest and with her family thankfully they told her not have an Abortion of me. My father upon hearing that she refused to have one left my mother. I have only ever had contact with him once. But it wasn't until I was about 12. My whole life after birth I had lived with my mother and the man she was married to I assumed my whole life was my real father. I found out after they got divorced when I was 10 that I had another father, who had left because he would rather have killed me than have me as a son. It hurts like nothing else to know that somone really disliked you enough to want to kill you. I have learned not to let it hurt me everyday, but I have become as active a voice for the unborn as possible. This is my story and I will continue to share it to let others know that trust me, the baby in the womb would definetely choose life. |
| State: Colorado | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Misty | Date: 1/24/2012 | I was married to a horrible man. I had been pregnant twice before the birth of my first daughter. The previous two pregnancies ended at the hand of my husband. When my daughter was born my life changed. She gave me the courage to leave the abuse and we started our own happier life together.
About a year later I became pregnant under very difficult circumstances. I felt hopeless. I couldn't tell anyone what happened or that I was pregnant. I did confide in a friend whose response was to get an abortion. My parents knew something was wrong and when I finally told them, my mom said to "do what you need to do to take care of it".
I have always been against abortion. I was even pictured in the Grand Rapids Press holding a "Stop Abortion Now" sign at a pro-life rally. I was raised in a home where life was valued and abortion was wrong. But here I was pregnant and everyone who knew was telling me to get an abortion. I called Planned Parenthood, they encouraged me and rushed me through the process - setting my appointment for 24 hours later.
The morning of my appointment, my father called. He said that he loved me and that "worse case scenario is that we have another baby to love!" With his words of encouragement, I was able to do what my heart was telling me to do. I cancelled my appointment and moved forward with the pregnancy.
My mom was in the delivery room with me - determined that she would not love this baby as much as my other daughter. However, she was the first one to hold baby Grace and feel in love with her immediately. Their bond to this day in unmovable!
Grace is an amazingly compassionate, caring, loving, and beautiful little soul. I can not imagine my life without her in it and every day I thank the Lord that I chose LIFE for her... for my girls are my LIFE! |
| State: MI | | Country: United States |
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| Name: allyssa | Date: 1/24/2012 | When I was 9 years old I was a very aware child and knew my mom was up to something.She was never careful about hiding things from us so I had learned what an abortion was.It wasn't until I found letters from a man who was serving a 4 year prison sentence that I learned my mom had had an abortion.This is the first time in my life that I remember not wanting to be like my mom.Even at the age of 9 I knew how horrible this was.I never said anything about it to her.Then a few years later I was 16 and had gotten pregnant myself.I knew in my heart I could never have an abortion.My boyfriend pushed as hard as he could for an abortion.But I never caved I was having this baby.
Not to long after this my mom had another secret abortion.I found out from my Uncle.I was so upset that she could do this again.These babies that she had aborted were my brothers/sisters.It deeply saddens me and makes me wonder if the miscarriages she had were really miscarriages.Not to long after I had had my son my mom was pregnant again.For reasons unknown to me she decided to keep this baby and I now have a beautiful 5 year old sister.Who I couldn't imagine life with out.I'm still greatly bothered with the reasons for my moms abortions.Which she has now told me now that I'm older and make it know I'm against them.The first one she said she wasn't sure who the father was and the second she didn't like the guy she got pregnant by.Go figure since the guy she didn't like is my sisters father.
My sister also had an abortion after having her daughter.This deeply sadden me at first she was going to keep the baby.She even had an ultra sound and we were all so excited at the possibility of this new life.But in a moment that was gone she decided to not have the baby because it would be to hard to have two and she didn't know how'd she'd provide.
I really wish people would consider all their options before aborting and feel strong enough to tell a boyfriend they won't do this even if they threaten to leave.Abortion shouldn't be an option.I may offend people by writing this but I know in my heart I could never make the choice to end another human beings life.I just couldn't its wrong.It says in the Bible "Jeremiah 1:5 – “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.” (NLT).How do we have the right to play God and take someones life? It says in the ten commandments "you shall not commit murder".Abortion is murder and it not only affects the baby who's life is being taken, but also the mother,father, and family members.
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| State: NH | | Country: United States |
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| Name: A.K | Date: 1/24/2012 | | Well 7 years ago when I was 27 years old, I was unhappily married with children who I had prematurly. My oldest I delivered him at 31 weeks and my only daughter at 29 weeks. Well like I said I was very unhappy with my marriage, I was hardly home because I worked 3 jobs to support my family. Well I met someone when I went out one night and I ended up having an affair with him. He got me pregnant. I was very scared and went back and forth on having the baby or not. I had never had an abortion before and all my friends was saying look at your history with your children, do you want to go through that again? And the guy didn't believe it was his, I wasn't sleeping with my husband AT ALL!!!! I knew it was my lovers. So after weighing everything out I decided to have the abortion. It was a very traumatic decision because I got the twight light sedation and they started to do it before it even took effect. So I heard, saw and felt everything. It was so painfull, but not just physically, it was emotionally as well. I couldn't even believe I had just done it. I took my own childs life!! I still grieve over my baby. I wish I never did it. I wish I would have been more brave and gave that baby a chance. I become a drunk for 6 months after that. I ended up telling my now ex-husband what I did and broke it off with him. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. I ended up meeting someone else and got pregnant again and I now have a healthy happy 2 yr old son, who with the help of modern medicine I was able to carry him full term. It was a very hard pregnancy being I was so high risk and the labor literally almost took me and my son out of this world but I wouldn't change a thing about it. I fought for him,I just wish I would have fought for my other baby.But I know God has forgave me and that why he gave me another chance. I will NEVER EVER do that again no matter what and would urge others to not!!!! You will REGRET IT FOREVER!!!! |
| State: MO | | Country: United States |
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| Name: anonymous | Date: 1/24/2012 | I was 19, in an abusive relationship and my mother paid for the abortion. 23 years later not a day goes by that I don't think of my little girl, Samantha. Years after the abortion, while praying, the Lord showed me it was a little girl and that her name was Samantha.
Think about that, 23 years later and NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DO NOT THINK ABOUT HER. I am forgiven, but it haunts me to this day and will always be there and never go away. Thank the Lord for His mercy.
I am now 41 and have 2 more beautiful girls. My oldest stands for the lives of the unborn, not knowing about her own mom...I am sure the Lord has put that in her heart. Thank you Jesus for your love and mercy and grace.
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| State: MD | | Country: United States |
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| Name: dannah woodward | Date: 1/22/2012 | | I know there are so many out there struggling with depression and I want to share my story because I was depressed most of my life and it just got worse and worse until finally I did not want to live anymore. I still wasn't at the end of my rope tho. It wasn't until the second time i entered the dark night of the soul that i cried out to God and He answered me. My story is too horrific and wonderful to share without asking God and waiting on Him but what I will share is that I am a twin and grew up basically without a name...my father called us 'twin' because he couldn't tell us apart. I never thought anything of it until i was told that i needed to 'name' and grieve my aborted children! I thought 'what? what difference does it make?'. Well, my twin sister who by the way was picketing abortion clinics while i was having abortions in the early 80's, named one of her children after me and i was honored. How could i be honored if a name is of little value? I began a journey of healing that led me to see my depression was due to PASS (Post Abortive Stress Syndrome). God told me He has always known my name! He is so awesome! I still sometimes grieve over my loss due to my choices but the God of the Universe is by my side and His holy spirit comforts me! There is so much more i could share... involving a generational curse, sharing with my atheist sister dying of cancer, my mom and I praying together just before she died, forgiving my dad and having him call me by my name when he was in the hospital, releasing of a soul tie to a family who gave me a 'nickname' when i needed one, a picture of me with a statue of a lion i won at a fair because the psychic could not guess my name, my husband all of a sudden having dreams about lions roaring...on and on it goes and looking back....God was ALWAYS there! Cry out to Him even if you have no idea why you are crying out! He will answer! His name if FAITHFUL AND TRUE! HALLELUJAH! |
| State: New York | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Anonymous | Date: 1/18/2012 | | I was 20 years old when I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. Me and my boyfriend only dated for 1 month and then broke up. Two weeks passed and we got back together. Little did I know that ever since that day I was expecting a baby. I realized that I haven't gotten my period that month and kept telling him about it. He said I should take a pregnancy test but I was afraid to do so. My boobs felt tender and I kept getting cramps. Usually when that happens, my period is about to come. But that wasn't the case. We were only together for another month and called it quits. That following weekend I took a pregnancy and tested positive. I couldn't believe it. I felt happy yet sad at the time, but mostly happy. I decided to call my best friend and tell her. She immediately responded with, " Get an abortion." I even met up with her to go eat pizza and take 2 more tests. Both came out positive. I wasn't sure if I should've let my ex boyfriend know. Yet I decided to give him a call the next day and tell him the news. When I gave him the news all he did was burst out laughing and saying, "I knew this was coming." It didn't help at all. After telling him how I want to keep it, he decided to man up and say that me and him should get back and take care of the baby together as a family. He even told his mom that same day about the news. His mom was very understanding and excited about the baby. My parents work real hard and don't want me to have kids until I'm out of college. I can't blame them because I can't save money and can only take care of myself, how was I suppose to take care of another human. Two days after giving him the news I decided to go get an ultrasound and see how many weeks I was. Turns out I was 6 weeks. After receiving the ultrasound picture I went straight home and talked to my mom about the pregnancy. I told her the news crying and she couldn't believe it. I told her I wanted an abortion. I changed my mind completely about keeping it. When I told her about the abortion she said I should wait because she would talk to my dad, but instead I talked her over in not talking to him because my mind was set for the abortion. She came with me the next day to the abortion clinic. When I was in the room about to get blood tested I told the nurse I wasn't ready and walked out. My mom thought I got it over with but instead I told her I wasn't ready. She said you have to be sure because its either now or never. So I decided to go back in and get it over with. I took the first pill in the office and the second one the next day. I did all this without telling my ex boyfriend or his family. The next day when I took the pill I kept throwing up and bleeding blood clots. My stomach felt empty. I knew it was the end of my baby. I cried for an hour in my room and kept telling god how sorry I am for what Ive done. I even promised to keep the 2nd baby I have no matter when he decides to give me another chance. The day after the abortion I went to church for confession and felt a little better after talking to the priest. I still feel guilty though. Even though I know god forgives, I can't stop thinking about what Ive done. I broke up with my ex boyfriend a week later. I didn't tell him about the abortion, I just told him I had a miscarriage. Still to this day he still thinks that. We haven't spoken since. I still wonder what could've happened if I kept the baby. |
| State: Maryland | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Alyssa | Date: 1/17/2012 | | I had my abortion last month and before that I had another abortion and two miscarriages. When my boyfriend and I started being intimate we had already talked about what we were going to do if we got pregnant, maybe I would give the baby up for adoption or I would have an abortion. I couldn't see myself having the baby and then giving him/her away but having an abortion wasn't any easier because now I keep thinking what if and what makes it worse in my opinion is that when I went for my ultrasound I looked at the baby and I heard the baby's heartbeat and that kills me everyday. When I went to the clinic to have it done I was skeptical the entire time but my boyfriend kept telling me that we couldn't have a baby that we weren't in a good place and it wouldn't be a healthy environment for a baby to grow up in and when the nurse escorted me to the room it started to hit me that I was making the wrong decision but I was do doubted up on the medication that I couldn't get the words out of my mouth that I didn't want to go through with this and then afterwards the pain and regret started. It gets harder and harder everyday and of course my boyfriend thinks I need psycological help and I'm crazy but I think it's normal to feel like this especially after I had two miscarriages and two abortions. I don't know how to feel and I feel so lost right now |
| State: FL | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Eva | Date: 1/14/2012 | Prayers for everyone here. Abortion hurts us so much physically and emotionally.
When I discovered that I was pregnant at 13 in my heart I felt thrilled.
I could feel a strong connection with the little life and heart beating inside of my stomach and when I told my boyfriend his face went blank. Like all of the blood had drained right out of it.
Mike literally dragged me crying the whole way to the abortion clinic while keeping a firm hold on my hand the whole time. I saw it in his eyes that it was my dirty little mistake and not his. When it was time to lay down on the table he came into the room with me and held my hand firmly (most likely making sure I couldn't get up and leave the place without him) and as I laid there in terrible abdominal pain with silent tears coming out he stood there motionless as a statue just wanting it to hurry up and be over.
Later in my adult life I planned to have a large family because I was so sure nobody would stop me from having a beautiful healthy and normal child of my own later in life.
Because of my earlier abortion I had many health problems and later got married but we struggled with infertility for 10 years before finally having our daughter. We then struggled with miscarriage after miscarriage.
Then when we tried a for the last time for our "big family" I almost died when my ectopic (tubal pregnancy) ruptured at 8 weeks pregnant.
I was devastated. The tubal pregnancy disaster caused a partial hysterectomy and not even a month later they found a massive tumor which was a result from the abortion scar tissue from years before.
After the tumor removal it caused a full hysterectomy then after that surgery I had my organs prolapse (drop) and had to be repaired with hard plastic mesh. I keep having abdominal problems and have repeated hernias and surgeries.
I am now 43 and if I had the choice to live my life over again I would choose to lose the ex and not my baby! Because it caused me permanent life long health problems! |
| State: TN | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Jessica | Date: 1/10/2012 | | I'm 28 years old, and I had my abortion about 6 years ago. I think about it all the time. I always thought that I'd move past it eventually, but it's only gotten worse. Every time a t.v. show or program discusses abortions, miscarriages, or sad pregnancy stories, I cry uncontrollably. The decision for an abortion was emotionally painful, yet I didn't feel like I had a choice at the time. I was with a guy who I knew I wasn't going to end up with. I wasn't in love with him. I was with him because I was lonely, and vice versa. More importantly, I was still in college and I wasn't ready to have a child. So when we found out about my pregnancy, we knew what we had to do. I cried so hard on the day when the abortion was scheduled that the clinic could not go through with the procedure until a week after the first appointment. If I had realized how much I would regret my decision, I wouldn't have gone through with it. I think about whether it would have been a boy or girl, what he or she would have looked like, and whether or not he or she would have had my eyes. These questions tear me apart over and over again. Even though the baby doesn't exist anymore, its brief existence in my womb changed my life forever. I wish I could go back in time and change my own mind. I would hold my newborn child in my arms and never let go. |
| State: Florida | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Carly | Date: 1/3/2012 | I had an abortion a week and a half ago. I'm 19 years old and the father is 20. I'm not recovering, I'm still grieving. Honestly, I'm not sure how you ever recover from this decision.
The part that is the most painful is that it was my decision. No one else is to blame but me. I'm having a very hard time with dealing with the abortion, like many other people on this messaging board seem to be experiencing as well. I haven't shared my story with any one really, maybe 4 people. I don't have many people to talk about this with and many people are reluctant to have a response or care anyway. I'm not really sure where to begin....
The day I dropped out of college because "I needed to find myself," I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I (of 7 months) have been living together and things between us have been a little rocky. When we first found out we were pregnant he just held me and told me it was my decision. He later on told me he thought an abortion was the right move for us. I agreed because there was a lot working against the quality of the baby's future life. I cried for days saying I didn't want to kill my baby, but ultimately I was so scared of this baby and of the life I could be living that I was almost relieved that we agreed on the abortion.
Days after we decided what to do, He told me he wanted our baby. He said if we really committed ourselves to each other we could make it. He said everything would work out. After days of him hinting this idea to me I finally told him I wasn't ready to be a Mom at 19. I said I couldn't have this baby. I was just so afraid of the baby, and of the Unknown. I finally told my Mom and my Dad about my pregnancy and they both persuaded me to get the abortion. My Mom just kept saying, "you can't handle a Baby, you just can't." My boyfriends Mom called me to see if I was all right, and just wanted to know I was making the right decision for me and me alone. She said she supposed my decision because you'll get to see her little grandchild in heaven one day.
Even though he didn't agree with my decision he went to the clinic with me anyway. He was so good to me. He didn't ever leave my side. Even for The abortion itself. I was very heavily sedated and the only thing I remember was the moment my Baby left me. The Moment I knew I made the wrong decision. I just started crying and moaning and sobbing.
A week and a half later once in a while I get a few minutes of not thinking about it. But days like these are the worst. My Boyfriend hasn't slept in like a week and whenever he does come to bed he just cries. I was and am so lucky to have had him with me and be supportive even if he didn't agree. But for him I feel the most regret.
Reading all of these messages saying that their boyfriend or husband didn't support them and wanted them to get an abortion when they felt differently saddens me. I am those husbands and boyfriends. I took our baby away . I wish I could have been stronger for my Boyfriend and stopped fearing everything. I wish I could have been stronger for my Baby.
I will forever miss you. |
| State: Maine | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Steve | Date: 12/31/2011 | | Hi I'm a man of 32 and was with the love of my love for 9 months back in October we found out that she was pregnant I'll never forget the smile on her face as she ran into my bathroom to tell me and I couldn't of jumped out the shower quick enough to hug her as she made me the happiest man in the world as we had planned this, then in November we had a stupid argument and everything was over so in anger I rang her parents n told them she was pregnant as they never knew but all my family had known for ages and she wouldn't tell hers ( I know I shouldn't of rang them but I was upset) then the day after we had the argument 12 hours later she told me she was having an abortion and I just fell apart. I begged her not to as we only had a silly argument but she said it's for the best and I've never been so Hurt n cried so much in my life then on the 15th of December 2011 she went and had the abortion and I feel my world has crumbled and I am one big bubble. We have argued since that and I've called her some horrible names which I regret but I feel so sad angry n lonely inside me I don't think I'll ever be able to trust another girl into my life again. I don't even think she cares about what she has done as she is back to normal but I feel so depressed that my baby's life was taking away from me as she was 14 weeks pregnant and I still go to bed with the scan pictures and cry myself to sleep. How can I ever get over something like this I know abortion anytime of the year is hard but Xmas n new year this killing me inside |
| State: Cumbria | | Country: United Kingdom |
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| Name: Meagan | Date: 12/21/2011 | i was sixteen when i found out that my mother aborted my lil brother/sister. she had already lost two kids to the state and decided she wasnt going to risk it again. everyday i wonder what she would have named it. i wonder if it would look like me or the other kids. i wonder what to say to her..... sometimes i have thought about suicide so that i could go take care of the baby
god bless my bro/sis |
| State: mi | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Kate | Date: 12/7/2011 | I have had 3 D&C's and 2 RU 486's. Two of the pregnancies were a result of not being comfortable and assertive enough to demand the use of a condom with one night stands. The other three were accidents within the paramaters of a long term monagamous relationship. All of the pregnancies occured during times of depression.
I regret NONE of the abortions. I am now the mother of a happy healthy 4 year old. I love him so much and am glad that I am able to be the kind of mother he needs me to be. |
| State: NC | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Casey | Date: 12/1/2011 | | My story is a bit different than most. I am 42, have been married for 19 years, and have two beautiful children. As you can imagine - at 42 - my husband and I were quite shocked when I took a home pregnancy test in early September, and it came back positive. I cried hard and then cried some more. My first thought was how my teenage children would take the news. Sadly, my husband's first thought was abortion - which I fought strongly. I immediately contacted my OB/GYN and the pregnancy was confirmed. As the first few days passed - I became increasingly more excited. It was on the 10th day after initially finding out about the pregnancy that I learned my husband was having an affair with my best friend (or so I thought she was my best friend). My world began crashing around me. I soon found out that the affair was not his first. I took my children and we left home. I had an abortion one month to the day after finding out I was pregnant. In retrospect - I think I was under the impression that having an abortion would somehow get back at my husband. Although I can't imagine myself with a small child at this age - I regret my decision deeply. I believe and always have believed that a child is a gift. The fact that I took another life haunts me more than anything. At the time - I really don't know what I was thinking other than there would never be a chance for reconciliation with my husband and I had no idea how I would manage alone - all very selfish reasons. I continue to feel as if I'm on a constant roller coaster - trying to manage the pregnancy, affairs, and ultimate abortion in my mind. I have asked God for forgiveness, but don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself. |
| State: GA | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Marie | Date: 11/22/2011 | I had an abortion in June of this year.
I was 12 and a half weeks gone at the time, I left it til the very last minute to really think about what I was doing, and try and plan for the future.
My boyfriend was really supportive, said that whatever choice I made that he would support me. We went through all of our options together. I'm 24, was just going back to college, and was offered a place in one of the most prestigious universities in the country which was essentially a dream come true.
I was so ill for my entire 12 weeks, I spent at least two days a week every week in a hospital ward hooked up to machines.
Unlike most women on here, I do not regret the decision that I have made, but I still have to learn to live with it and that's hard. I feel a sense of loss, but never regret when I think about my child and as my due date grows nearer it's only getting stronger.
My reasons for doing it were that I could not support my child, and I would not let her watch me struggle the way I watched my mother struggle. I wanted to be able to tell my child how I had worked and put my way through college, which is exactly what I'm doing now, and to be able to show her that she can be anything she wants, and that she was a blessing, and not someone who came into this world and ruined my future.
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| State: Cork | | Country: Ireland |
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| Name: Julia Termini | Date: 11/20/2011 | | I had my abortion in June, and honestly I didn't think about it. My boyfriend and I discussed what would happen before I officially found out I was pregnant. He told me that it would be selfish for us to have a child that we could never give a baby a life that it deserved and in turn we could not have the life we wanted, but still he would support what I decided. Part of me wanted that baby so bad I am 24 years old I am not a child I am done with school, having a baby now and going back to teaching in 5 years really didn't seem like a bad idea. But I went to the clinic alone they confirmed my worst fears, and I booked that appointment for my abortion. I focused on all the reason why I could not have this baby, mostly because I didn't want my boyfriend to resent me or our child. I didn't want him to think I was trapping him and I wanted to have my own career my own life, before we could build one together. So I had my abortion I didn't think about my life with my child that just wasn't possible I just wanted everything to be over so I could resume my normal life. I never realized that I would become so bitter so angry so resentful towards my boyfriend. Two months of fighting and he left just as I was beginning to realize why we were fighting so much, why I was so angry and so mean all the time. I don't regret my abortion but I miss my ex so much everyday I miss him. I try and tell myself that this is what is best for me, if he really loved me he would have stayed and waited for me to get better, he would have been there for me instead of telling me to get over it but he didn't. I hate that I am still crying that I miss someone who cared so little for me. But we were happy before this all was just to much for him. I don't know if I want him back or I just want a baby. I don't know what is wrong I am just so tired of crying when he couldn't careless. 2 months after we broke up he is seeing someone new replacing me in all our plans and I am still crying over what. Why can't he just see I needed time. |
| State: NY | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Katherine | Date: 10/25/2011 | I became pregnant on the 28th May 2011. I discovered I was pregnant June 2011, Took a positive pregnancy test July 2011, and had an abortion 10th September 2011.
I knew I was pregnant when I started feeling strange, and i just knew. When my period was late by 1 week - I decided to tell my boyfriend. I dont think I would have been able to cope at all if it wasnt for him. When i told him he just held me until I was able to talk to him about our options.
Unfortunately the doctors were not helpful with this, as when I had my doctors appointment telling them i needed to be referred for an abortion - they would judge me and tell me it was my fault. Also - as I was going on holiday with my Dad and his family in a week - It was an urgent abortion. They then referred me to the hospital - where they too had a go at me - especially as I was going on holiday and couldnt get out of it as I didnt want my dad to know. This caused me so much stress I actually blacked out in the doctors room.
After the holiday, I had my first appointment for the abortion - where I had the ultrasound - where I saw my baby boy. Then I was told I had to make another appointment as because I was 14 weeks they couldnt do the abortion today.
I had to tell my mum, and I went to the appointment only with my boyfriend.
I regret it everyday since.
I had the abortion because I am still in college, and couldnt support a baby.
I miss him so much
x |
| State: Essex | | Country: United Kingdom |
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| Name: Jamie | Date: 10/21/2011 | I'm 28 and I had an abortion in March, my mom took me because could not. I was 8 weeks pregnant the day I had my abortion. I had the option to see my baby when they did the ultra sound and I chose not to for fear at the time I would change my mind and not go through with it. My husband and I made the decision and I thought it was the right thing to do at the time. I've only just begun to regret my decision. This month has been really hard for me, I was due to have my baby. My best friend is pregnant and is due to her have her baby this coming February, I am so jealous of her. I see woman who are pregnant or or women with their babies and I wish that was me. I know I can't undo what I did, but I wish I could stop thinking about it. I am lucky, I chose to tell a select a few friends and family of my decision to have an abortion and they have been very supportive. I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have the support system I have.
I hope to one day come to terms with what I did and be able to live my life without so much pain and regret. |
| State: IN | | Country: United States |
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| Name: brianna | Date: 10/7/2011 | I had my abortion August 12, 2011. I'm not even fifteen years old yet. I've been with my boyfriend a little over four months now & am very much inlove with him. I got pregnant about two-three weeks into our relationship, & found out I was pregnant when I was about six weeks. From the minute we found out we both love our baby more than anything & we both wanted to have him/ her so bad no matter what it took. We were hoping it would be a boy, his name would be Cayden. We decide adoption wasn't an option & neither was abortion. I didn't want to tell my mother for fear that she would make me get rid of it even though she's "agianst" abortion. A couple days later my boyfriend had talked me into telling her with hope that she would comfort, support, & get me the things & health care I needed to have a strong, healthy baby. But it went the complete oppisite. She told me if I go through the abortion everything would go away. The pain, the worry, the regret & the constant fear of the future. & if I didn't go through with it, she'd send me to a women shelter, prove to DCF that I would be an unfit mother & press charges agiants my boyfriend since I'm not of legal age to consent. At that moment I didn't know what to do. Now i didn't just have one life in my hands, but three : my boyfriends, my baby's & mine. One night I got scared & told her just go ahead & make the appointment ; I cryed all night, & slept all the next day just hopeing it was all a bad dream. The day of the appointment my boyfriend & mother went with me. My boyfriend sat in a waiting room by himself for four hours straight with nothing to do & no one to talk to just so he could comfort me when I got out. In the middle of the proccess I started crying & just wanted them to stop, but I knew it was already to late, my baby was already half way gone, I was six weeks & six days. The pain, the constant worry, the regret & the fear all got worse. There's not a day, hour, or minute that goes by were I don't think about the little baby that was living inside me.
I pray all the time for God to keep my baby safe, tell him/ her that I love them every time I think of them & that when the time comes he'll send my baby back to me so I can keep him/ her safe & tell them I love them all the time for myself.
We still love our baby more than anything in this world & always will. I will never be able to forget what I did. Most of the time I know it was the right choice for me, but there are times that I just hate myself. But it's all out of my hands now. God bless my unborn baby. |
| State: florida | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Paul | Date: 9/27/2011 | I have been talking to a lovely young woman for almost two months now. I am from the U.S. and I am doing ministry and studying in India for the next two years. I have really like her and I am so happy to get to know her and see how our friendship grows.
She has been telling me that she is a bad person since I met her but she said she didn't want to/couldn't tell me why. I knew it was a very serious thing that had happened but I could not make an honest guess nor did I want to.
She is beginning to feel more comfortable with me and I think that her comfort and attraction towards me along with confusion and guilt forced her to tell me about her abortion.
I am the only person that she has ever told. The only other person that knows is her Auntie (this Auntie suggested abortion and took care of her during the whole process). I know that it was a milestone for her to finally tell somebody and perhaps a big relief. Not even her family or closest friends know that she did this.
She was date raped by an acquaintance and her strict Christian views dictated that she be married to him. This was not a government recognized wedding but by her religious views she was committed to making it work and learning to love him. She has this notion that if a man and a woman have sex by mutual consent or rape then they are married to each other in the eye's of God.
This man that manipulated her and date raped her is Korean. After some time living together he went home to Korea to take care of some business. She waited for him to return for months. He never came back. She was left pregnant.
Her Auntie applauded her for trying to make it work and her family always insisted that they bring charges against the boy. She refused to press charges as the man was now her husband.
In my eyes this woman is a saint. I have a high regard for her and respect beyond all measure. Even before I knew this about her I really liked her and I knew that she would make a good wife for somebody (I always have to realistic). Now that she has confided this to me I like her and care about her more. More than wanting a relationship with her I want her to have healing. She calls herself a murderer, says she is going to hell, used to think she would live another 10 years and then commit suicide, for a few years afterwards she coped by promiscuity, and fear of relationships with men. More than anything I want for her to be freed from self-guilt and that her relationship with God is restored. Guilt and shame are holding her back from forgiving herself. She told me that she knows God forgives her but it's obvious that she has not moved forward.
She needs healing but I don't know where to turn. Of course, I can encourage her and help guide her but I'm not qualified to heal her and am afraid of causing strange dynamics in our relationship. I know that there has to be something here in India but I am more confident in what my fellow Americans can help. Maybe I can set up Skype so she can video chat with somebody in the U.S.? I am fully committed to seeing her through this.
My heart breaks for my friend both because I like her and because she is obviously stuck and needs to grieve and heal. God has allowed me to see her areas of pain with a clear understanding.
I need help. |
| State: Tamil Nadu | | Country: India |
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DISCLAIMER: Abortion Recovery InterNational, Inc. and services provided by us: ARIN CARE Directory, ARIN CARE Line, ARIN CARE Centers/Programs are referral and informational websites, not professional counseling sites. We are not all licensed therapists, although many of our affiliates may hold those credentials. We are not responsible for the actions performed by any person as a result of anything written within or related to Abortion Recovery InterNational or any division of our organization. By using our services, you agree to these terms.
Abortion Recovery InterNational, Inc. strongly encourages individuals affected by abortion to have completed an abortion recovery program PRIOR to involving themselves in the counseling of others; legal, research, speaking or activism opportunity.
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